Y’ALL, I DID IT.
I didn’t do it well, and I shook for a couple of hours after I did it, but I finally picked up the Canon EOS 1 that I have had sitting with the rest of my equipment for nearly three months, and I did something with it.
Oh wait. I didn’t mention I’d bought a film camera? SO! By the way! I bought a professional film camera for about $650 at the end of April! Excitement all around!
But seriously? I have been completely, totally, massively, thoroughly intimidated by that thing. Even after researching and talking with sweet Sara Hasstedt and taking lots of deep breaths and buying three different books about shooting film and finding my old Nikon F65 (my very first SLR that took me through lots of pretty photos on autopilot) in my parents’ attic two weeks ago.
Because you know what? I really know SQUAT about the technicalities of photography. I can wing the dials on a digital camera to make it do what I want it to do through trial and error, shoot from my gut and capture the moments, but shooting film with manual settings on a camera that didn’t come with a camera manual? HOLY COW. There is not a lot of grace if you blow it with film.
But for some reason – I don’t know if my to-do list was making me suicidal or WHAT – I picked the film camera up yesterday morning. And I intentionally WASTED 36 exposures of Fuji 400H Pro, because that is how I learn, pushing buttons, playing with the light, watching what happens. BUT Y’ALL. I HAD TO LOOK UP HOW TO LOAD FILM INTO THE FLIPPING CAMERA. And then in trying to OVEREXPOSE everything, I massively UNDEREXPOSED it. Because the directions are different on a film camera meter, I think. Or I just have a WHOLE lot more to learn (Well THAT, anyway.).
But the point of this whole post is that I did it. I shot film for the first time in over seven years. And I shot film on manual for the first time EVER.
And you know what? I got a rush. It was pure adrenaline, I am not even kidding you.
I called around and found a photo lab that could scan the roll for me the same day. And I realized halfway through the roll of film I was blowing just to see what the camera did that I was ME again behind the camera. I wasn’t shooting what I SHOULD shoot. I was shooting WHAT I SAW, fully in the moment again, not even able to let my perfectionist tendencies weigh in.
And believe it or not, in spite of my embarrassment that I completely bombed the exposure in front of a real photographer I wanted to impress, I DID find grace in shooting film. Because even JPG scans can be corrected, and with film? There is just SO. MUCH. MORE. THERE.
My images were so underexposed that I went digital on them (old habits and all that) and processed just a little bit, adjusting lighting and converting a few to black-and-white. (As an artist, I can get away with these things.) But the depth and tangibility, the color, the absolute richness of these images… Just… Wow. That is all. Wow.
I am scared to death that I am saying this, but I think this shoot just changed my life.
One of the funniest things about this adventure was Pip and Squiggy posing for me, then running over to see their pictures in the back of the camera. They were so BUMMED not to be there! But I loved getting them in on what I was learning too (oh yes. I did check after nearly every shot, only to find the black camera back – ARGH!), and we had a blast on our “field trip” to Accu Photo Lab.
Which had live bunnies in cages for the kids to meet. Unbelievable.
(I know. I passed up a PRIME iPhone photo opp. Please forgive me. I was a little distracted.)
FILED UNDER: Film, Fine Art, Personal, Photoplay, Pip & Squiggy
ticklishly delightful :)
SO happy for you!!
Awww yeah. I just recently started experimenting with film. It’s a rush, and it’s addictive, I tell ya!
Loving it!
It’s an expensive experiment, isn’t it? That’s how I first learned the basics of photography, and get this: the first SLR I owned was a Pentax of my mom’s (she worked as a journalist and had some nice strong SLRs). She dropped it in Washington D.C., maybe even in the White House, when Jimmy Carter invited small town journalists for a special briefing. The camera is still a bit dented. Anyway, at some point (maybe when it fell), the light meter broke. So I had to learn enough about the combination of film ISO + speed + aperture + what my own eyes could guess about the current conditions and click the settings accordingly. It’s a crazy way to learn, but it forced me. I forgot all that until this past year, when I started shooting manual on my DSLR. So interesting to remember those early days of film. I never went in the darkroom and processed on my own, but I did spend a lot of money at the one-hour film labs. The line we always used to say to each other when my husband and I packed gobs of rolls of film into special X-ray proof lined bags. “At this point, film is cheap.” What do people say now with digital? “Extra memory cards are cheap” or “batteries are cheap”?
p.s. Even though I learned those basics, I never really learned to do anything amazing. But I did learn how to produce a decent picture without relying on a light meter.
Ann, shooting with film is actually becoming less and less expensive, at least from an equipment perspective. The high end digital equipment has caused high end film equipment to plummet in price, and for me, starting in with a really good idea of my photographic style, it’s going to cost even less because I won’t be experimenting as much with composition (and hopefully not as much with exposure!) to get workable images. The time really has come for me to come back to it.
Kelly,
The photos are so beautiful. Thanks for sharing them with us and thanks for sharing your thoughts about your journey!
Valerie
I am dying! These are gorgeous!! I have say your post has struck a cord inside of me that have been buried for the last couple of months. I need to go back to film….dang it! This is gorgeous!! Thank you for sharing!!
There is something so ethereal and beautiful about film…and you nailed it!
I like this post a lot.
I like this. The giving it a go, choosing courage and surrendering perfection. Bravo! I believe photography is your sprezzatura, girl!
I love it. You’re making want to go back to it. Maybe I will. Just for myself. We’ll see. I love my black and white film wedding photos. That grainy lusciousness.
I need to pull out my film Rebel and do this. I love the one of your little guy here. His expression is just so perfect. Great shots!
Kelly! You are SO excited and it literally jumps off the screen. This is wonderful-for you to feel connected to pieces of yourself that have gone missing for a while. LOVE it. Take more and let us peek…
Hi, Kelly. Pamela Lesch here. You may be interested in some of the (film) work of a friend of mine, Brownie Harris. You can check him out at http://www.BrownieHarris.com
My father-in-law retired from Eastman-Kodak and film is near and dear to my heart.
Looking forward to meeting you!
P
[...] (a Canon EOS1 that would work with my favorite Canon lenses), just to see if it was what I needed. The first roll I shot confirmed what I suspected, that my digital work simply was not producing the almost-tangible feel [...]