I’ve been trying to work over a Lyme flare for the last three weeks. It hasn’t been pretty, bringing on the arthritis, brain fog, depression, and panic/anxiety attacks. The kids have been fending for themselves a lot because I haven’t been able to get up much and Pete has been working crazy late.
A few weeks ago, Pete and I sat down to watch Marley & Me, a charming movie I’d had on my short list (and kept forgetting to watch) for a couple of years. I sat down and bawled as the credits rolled. There was so much of my past there, mixed up with my present and my dreams for the future and for my children. I want my kids to have good memories of their childhood, the kind that I have that are more about life and living it than about mere survival. I want them to play, to imagine, to dream, and to have new and special experiences to hold in their hearts.
Last week, I needed to connect with my third shooter from my last wedding, so I loaded Pip and Squiggy into the car and we drove out for an afternoon of friendship and fun. Madison, my third shooter, and her family are favorite clients of mine who live on a beautiful farm in Hollywood, South Carolina, and the night before the wedding Madison helped me shoot, they helped their dog, Ruby, deliver seven puppies. They wanted to share them with my kids.
When I was about Piper’s age, my parents had a picture book about puppies. I remember turning the pages, trying to memorize the pictures of the puppies sleeping, eating, cuddling, playing. A couple of weeks ago while we were sorting through books at my parents’ house, I found the book – and all the memories that went with it. I’ve never considered myself a dog person, but baby animals are a very me thing – soft, cuddly, sweet – well, you get the picture. No seriously, you do.
My health is forcing me out of my unofficial five-year plan back into the moments. On a given day, I can be happy, sad, bed-ridden and excited. Because I’m such a deeply emotional person, every moment feels like it could be the rest of my life – bad or good. I’m learning grace for the moment again, relearning that bad moments don’t mean good ones are lost to me.
We made memories. Pip made a friend. Squiggy played his heart out. And I had an afternoon with friends who live close and love God like I do, and some new photography inspiration that I really needed just now.
FILED UNDER: Canon 5D Mk III, Marley & Me, Pip & Squiggy, Puppies, Whippoorwill Farm
LOVE these pictures. :) How could a person not?
Oh, puppies ARE the sweetest. I love the shot of the black on next to the tree. I’m glad you are taking it easy, and enjoying the moments. ((hugs))
SO CUTE!!! Those puppies are adorable…
Be patient with yourself… When I was a child, my parents divorced. We were poor, living on food stamps while my mom went back to college. And my mom was a very tired single mom, trying to raise three little girls.
What she often remembers is the stress and all the times she was impatient, or couldn’t provide the things we asked for. Or the times she snapped. Or the times we had to make our own dinner. Or the times I took the kids into the back bedroom so she could study for a final.
But I don’t remember any of those things, mostly. Mostly, I remember the good times and the memories we made. I remember sprawling across her bed in the evenings and talking after my sisters went to bed. I remember the February picnics she made us go on. I remember groaning when she’d make us listen to the oldies station instead of the top 40 we wanted.
I remember the memories. But I don’t remember the mom screw-ups. And I take comfort in that, as a mom. As moms, we are keenly aware of when we screw up and the times that we are not the moms we wanted to be… but I think (and hope) that our kids don’t focus on that so much, and just remember us as Mom and the memories we help them make… whatever those may be.
(Sorry for the blog in your comments!)
Sorry you’ve been feeling bad. :(
Oh a happier note, those puppies are adorable. I (and the kids) want a dog, but are waiting until we have more of a yard and/or fence. And Marley and Me, I LOVED that movie. Cried too. Felt such a connection with those characters (Owen Wilson’s and Jennifer Aniston) I felt like that couple could be me and Josh (their interaction as a couple was a lot like hours). Heres to the moments!
Kelly–These photos are breathtaking. I love all of the innocence with the puppies and children. I hope you start feeling better soon. Oh, and your kids are SUCH dreamers. Spending time with them always takes me back to my childhood. Much love!
Kelly,
These feelings might be a gift. To unfurl a little bit of your responsibility-ness. To do a little less, perhaps? Because, maybe loosening the grip on the To-Do-List might be what your soul needs. Just something to consider, maybe?
Dreaming of sipping sweet tea with you this afternoon. And you teaching me a thing or two about courage as it relates to the camera.
Blessings and warmest hugs, my friend.
Amy
Just love these sweet photos, you always amaze me.
Sweetheart – if you can take pictures like this WHILE in the middle of a flare – holey, moley, what CAN’T you do?? These are remarkable. And so are you. Be well soon – and keep finding joyful moments even in the midst of the messy ones.
I felt like I was a there. It has warmed my heart so much to see the joy in your children and the puppies. I also love how comfortable everyone was in front of the camera. Your children look so sweet. You are blessed, amidst your suffering. I’m sorry to hear you are unwell. It’s amazing you have such lovely and beautiful people and things around you. And girl, you’ve got talent!