We have new green here already. The faded grass drapes over tiny shoots, rolling across the lawns to the ditches housing brave and pretty weeds that attract Piper’s attention. I am intrigued by the tendrils spiraling off the stems, distracted by the way the light hits the weed and makes it beautiful in spite of its less-than designation.
Pip picked these for me. She noticed them, and she thought they were beautiful and worth giving. Considering my life from that perspective, I think about how one of my deepest desires has always been “to be a gift.” Not to give a gift, but to live my way right into being just what He wanted to give to someone when he made me.
You might be surprised to know that I don’t have a five-year plan. My business and my life is happening a moment at a time, and that God is leaving me room to dream as I go, and to change my goals as He changes me. I am different, and I can’t do what others in my industry do and make it work for me. I often feel that I deserve the same less-than designation my weeds get.
Still, I’m finding new freedom this year, to love my less-than equipment for the beauty they make, to love that I am not less-than if I don’t join this camp or that camp, to be content and still move forward facing the as-yet undefined change entering our lives with the turn of the year. I’m looking for my word for 2013 still, weighing a few but nothing feels quite right yet, so I’m sticking with my “go” habits for now and moving forward with things instead of standing frozen.
So maybe in this “go-wait-dream-grow,” I’m the type of plant that dares to grow in January before the frost is done coming. Maybe I’m the plant that gets weeded out of the garden. But the weeds do get noticed. And they grow everywhere. So those who aren’t noticing them let them happen. And some of those who notice… well, they think they’re just the prettiest thing when the light hits them right. And they pass you on as the gift you always wanted to be.
There is anticipation in this place, for good things, for beautiful, for God being near in the next moment and the next, holding out joy and life with more abundance.