I’ve been looking at a lot of my work lately, and I’ve been uncovering a pattern I’ve known was there but that I never really thought to work on. I’m finding a truthfulness in my images that denies the trendy “no-contrast, everything-overexposed” approach to photos and embraces both light and dark. I like it, and I am looking forward to nourishing that element more fully in my 2016 work.
The more that I look at the work that I have been doing, the more I realize how much I have changed and improved over the years. I’m very happy with the results so far because the difference from the first year of my photography career is quite big compared to the today’s work.
I’m not just looking at my work, though. I know that I have a dark side, or at least an introverted side, a part of me that can only grow softly with silence and needs just as much attention as my “light” side that is always out there doing things. I think this darker side of me was better cared for at the beginning of my days with my baby, when I had to create time for her and for me to simply be, when nothing else could be done in our world or our house because nourishment was the only important thing for both of us in those moments.
I’m missing the space now even though I’m the one depriving myself of it, thinking that now that the baby is older and more independent, I should be able to do all those things I put off. But in order to live from that “shadow” side of me, I need to nourish it, give it what it needs to be alive.
It is getting more difficult to determine what is required to nourish all the things. The more I think about it, the less I understand what is needed, and the more I see that needs to be nourished. I’m going to have to sit with it a while before I understand it, I think.