It is decaf Lady Grey tea for me this morning, with fresh-baked corn muffins soaked in melted butter, and it is gray out – gray, gray, gray – so that getting out of bed this morning required having the lights on instead of the sunrise. I am listening to Christmas music and the non-stop chatter of the two littles in my house, Pip building her life out loud, Squiggy weighing in for his own right to live. I’ll start her on her schoolwork soon, and then the house will be filled with her teacher’s voice and I may put in headphones so as not to go mad for my lack of creative space.
It has been a different sort of fall for us this year, an autumn more full of change than usual, change that is more stocked with peace than usual. I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to process it all, not for finishing up the summer things that stacked up and overflowed into October and now November, but it feels okay somehow, as if I’ve just grown into my life and I don’t have to figure it out every day anymore.
I’m finally working on my new website, and I have a friend helping me this time, someone whose work I have admired for such a very long time. It is nice not to be completely alone on a project that has had me flummoxed most of this year for its hugeness, and my husband has told me that I am to spend any remaining money I make this year on business things like this new site so that we don’t have to pay as much in taxes. I believe this is a good thing, that I stand to make a profit in my third year of official business. It feels big.
I worry about my fourth year. I worry about the pricing guide that isn’t finished yet for the new hybrid direction I am taking my aesthetic to shoot both film and digital when and where I want. I worry about my 2014 bookings and remind myself to breathe because God has brought my business this far, and He knows who I am supposed to meet next year, and how much I can handle. He reminds me that this is a walk of faith – it always has been – and preparing for Him to work and keeping my heart open is the thing I need to do today, especially as He holds my tomorrow.
For all that I don’t know and haven’t processed and haven’t finished, this autumn is for me a mix of the precious past, the moments I have now, and some really wonderful hope for the future. It’s a favorite, and I wouldn’t really have noticed it if not for the gray today, and the smell of the corn muffins wafting into my bedroom as I was trying to talk myself out of bed.
What is your autumn holding for you? What makes you notice it? Tell me a favorite of yours from today.